The truth hurts….
The truth hurts…you don’t want to believe it but a huge part of yourself knows it’s true…I feel like I can never trust anyone I was crying about that last night and look not even 24 hours later it smacks me in the face again! And people wonder why I put up a wall……..
There’s a pit in my stomach…
I don’t ask for much…
That was the only thing I wanted and asked for and I didn’t get it :(
Letter to myself
One day at a time. Breathe in breathe out. That is what everyone keeps telling me, but I wonder do they really understand how hard it is to do that? Every morning I wake up feeling like a chunk of me is missing. Here’s another good one people keep telling me, “you deserve better.” What if I don’t want better. What if I feel like I really don’t deserve anything/anyone. I don’t deserve anything because I am a horrible person. I am a bitch to people I don’t like, I hate myself, and I picture myself dying almost everyday. I don’t think this is 100% because of Rob. It’s other things too. I work hard and feel like no one cares/realizes how hard I do work. People think my grades aren’t so good this year because my classes are hard, that isn’t completely true either. A lot of it has to do with I don’t care anymore. I really don’t care. I couldn’t tell you the last time my dad has asked about my grades. So maybe it’s a cry for help attention. Everyone is so busy doing their own thing, they could care less about me. I’m not totally sure about that one either. I’ve become a great liar. I have become great at putting on a mask on my emotions. I chew my lip until it bleeds so I can feel something other then numbness. I am pretty lost in life. I’m not sure what I want anymore. I use to think I knew everything I wanted. Maybe that was just a huge lie I was telling myself for a good 2-3 years. Or maybe I’ve just realized what it feels like to be an adult. Being/acting like an adult scares the living shit out of me. I die ten times inside every time, my dad asks me for money or he says something about not having enough money or how things are tight. As a teenager I should be able to be okay with asking my parents for money for things. But no, I hate it. It feels like someone stabbing me in the stomach when I have to ask for something/money. It’s just not fair!
Why am I falling apart?!?!
Was in the hospital all day yesterday. My body is falling apart. I am falling apart why? Ugh ulcers, great I have ulcers…I’m too young they say to be so stressed out! Well doc. I am I am doing everything in my power to just breathe its kinda hard when you work pretty much full time and go to school and try to make sure you have a home to come home too. Everything feels like its falling apart!
How I wish you could see the potential,
the potential of you and me.
It’s like a book elegantly bound but,
in a language that you can’t read.
Just yet.
Page 1 of 3
